


on heartbreak, i think. or love.

by loveletters (theoreticlove)



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Prose Poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25008088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoreticlove/pseuds/loveletters
Comments: 9
Kudos: 10





	on heartbreak, i think. or love.

1\. i love you. i’ve never loved anyone before and i’m not sure i like how it feels, these butterflies when you are with me and this ache when you go. but i love you anyway. i love you i love you i love you i’ve never loved someone in this way except for you. i don’t know how anyone could help but love you. you have what my mom would call presence; you light up everything around you. i’ll never tell you this, of course. you mentioned once losing a friend because he loved you and losing you is not on my to-do list. please don’t leave me.

2\. i am so sad. my heart aches and my soul is weeping (i am also weeping in body because it hurts so badly and lying to my mom makes it worse but i can’t tell her, can i? but that one’s on me, babe) and i have never been so upset in my life. i think this is what heartbreak feels like. it has to be. i don’t know what to do without you i don’t know how to exist in the space we existed in together when you are gone. i know it is beyond both of our control but it aches and aches especially when you told me two weeks ago you wouldn’t leave again like you did the first time. was that a lie? are you coming back? why did you leave me?

3\. i hate you. maybe. i don’t know. probably not. it kills me to see your name anywhere, like someone is twisting a knife into my soul (and how unlucky i am that both your names are common ones) and the thought of you hurts and hurts and hurts and you promised me you would come back. you promised me. but i don’t know if i believe you. i don’t know if i can believe you. you leave me and leave me and leave me over and over and it just hurts more and more and i don’t know why you would do that to me, except i do know why and it’s not your fault and that’s why i don’t think i hate you, but maybe it’s not your fault because i love you and that’s why i think i hate you. i hope that if you come back (and i doubt you will) it will hurt less to see you leave again. because you always fucking leave. you’ll never stay even if it’s not your fault. do i hate you for that? do i hate you for leaving?

4\. i miss you. all the time and every day i can’t escape the thought of you, the knowledge that you are somewhere in this world where i can’t reach and i long to only have your presence somewhere, anywhere, any sign that you are still here with me. i don’t know how to move on from you. i’ve never had to move on like this before. but you promised me you would come back and every day i hope you do. please come back to me soon.


End file.
